I Played This Game for Five Minutes: Nintendo DS Edition

Contra 4

The DS’s d-pad doesn’t do diagonals very well, which is kind of important for a Contra game. Also, didn’t we get rid of the one-hit-you-die thing around the time slap bracelets became popular?

Kirby: Squeak Squad

It’s just like, well, every other Kirby game ever made. Except with uninspired level design.

New Super Mario Brothers

NSMB takes too much from the original Super Mario Brothers and not enough from the more revolutionary (and better-designed) Super Mario Brothers 3 and Super Mario World. (I actually played this one for a couple hours, hoping it would get better. It never did.)

Star Wars: Lethal Alliance

I never thought anything would make Shadows of the Empire for the N64 look like a brilliant Star Wars game.